


his proof of being alive

by MikazukiMunechika305



Category: Peacemaker Kurogane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 12:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8286454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikazukiMunechika305/pseuds/MikazukiMunechika305
Summary: Souji spends a night in Hijikata's room. (inspired by Ch. 44 of the manga)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AssbuttToTheWorld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssbuttToTheWorld/gifts).



It’s always at times like this that the memories keep flooding into Souji's head, because at times like this, he feels like death is closer than ever.

There are memories of Hijikata yelling at him, memories of Hijikata yelling at Tetsu, but also memories of Hijikata being calm and quiet under Souji's massaging hands.

Souji likes those memories. He likes it when Hijikata doesn't yell but is quiet instead, even if it's a heavy, almost uncomfortable silence.

What Souji doesn't like is the pain that comes with the memories, and with the blood that's travelling up his throat and staining his clothes, sheets, and the countless handkerchiefs.

Right now Souji hates his entire life. He hates that he has to be ill. He hates that he's probably going to die earlier than his friends, even with the circumstances they're in.

He hates that he'll leave Hijikata behind, who's always taken care of him even though he’s always pretended not to care.

Souji squeezes his eyes shut when his entire body spasms in pain  _ again _ , for what feels like the 1000th time on just this one evening.

Hijikata's arms are strong and warm around him, and they're all that keeps him sitting upright while he's coughing and wheezing and internally pleading for everything to  _ stop _ .

Eventually the coughing fades away, and Souji falls back against Hijikata's chest weakly.

A tiny, tired smirk lifts the corners of his mouth. “See, Hijikata-san, I told you I'd get everything bloody. Are you going to make Tetsu-kun wash your blanket after this?”

“Idiot.” Hijikata would think about punching him now for sure, if it wasn't for the tuberculosis. “Shut up and get some rest.”

With that, he pulls up the blanket to right below Souji's chin, and gets up.

“Hijikata-san! Don't… leave me alone now, please?” Souji says quietly.

Hijikata shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “I'll be back in a few minutes, just be  _ patient _ . And don't you dare start crying.”

Then he leaves.

Souji stares up at the ceiling and waits. One minutes turns into two, two minutes turn into five, five minutes turn into ten.

After some more minutes—he's stopped counting, he has to admit—Hijikata returns to the room with a tray loaded with two cups of tea and a sheet of paper with a white powder.

His medicine.

“Here.” Hijikata empties the sheet into one of the cups and hands it to Souji before lifting the other cup to his own lips. “You haven't taken it after dinner, right?”

“What makes you think that?” But Souji obediently drinks the now terrible tasting tea and ignores the bitter taste which he thinks will destroy his taste buds one day.

_ —If his lungs aren't destroyed before that day. _

Hijikata slides to Souji under the blanket and allows the younger to rest his head on his shoulder.

And Souji tries to sleep, but for some reason he can't.

Finally, he says—because he can hear in Hijikata's breathing that the vice commander is still awake as well, “You know, Hijikata-san, when Kondou-san and you took me in, it gave me the feeling that I was somehow…  _ important _ for the first time.”

A single tear rolls down his cheek and his still hoarse voice starts shaking slightly.

“But now… I'm not important anymore, right? Sometimes I can barely walk alone—there's no way I can still  _ do _ anything… but… I  _ want  _ to be important!”

He involuntarily rises his voice slightly.

“Hijikata-san, what can I do… to remain important…”

Souji gasps in shock when Hijikata suddenly turns around to him and wraps his arms around him tightly.

“Don't you  _ dare _ saying that. You don't even know how important you are.” Hijikata’s voice is bitter and quiet, and Souji immediately feels kind of sorry that he hasn't taken his feelings into consideration when he's made that statement.

“If you want to be important, then…  _ live _ .  _ Live _ , and don't even think about leaving everyone here alone.”

‘ _ Everyone here _ ’ clearly means ‘ _ me _ ,’ Souji knows that, and he just buries his face in Hijikata's chest and nods.

“Okay. I'll do that,” he promises quietly. “But in exchange, you have to promise not to leave me here when you leave for the next headquarters.”

Hijikata doesn't reply. His hold around Souji just tightens and Souji feels something drip into his hair and run down his neck.

“Hijikata-san… are you crying?” 

Again, he doesn't get a reply.

But Souji reaches up and wraps his arms around Hijikata's neck anyways, and his fingers pet the vice commander’s neck gently, soothingly. “Don't worry, it's alright,” he whispers tenderly, and then—finally—falls asleep.

 

In the next morning, Hijikata wakes up first. He slowly lets go of Souji and carefully frees himself from the younger man's arms, and then he gets up.

Souji looks so peaceful when he's sleeping, even with all the blood on the blanket, and Hijikata wonders why it has to be  _ Souji _ , why it has to be the only person in whose company he can show his feelings, to have such a terrible fate.

“Hijikata-san…”

Hijikata flinches slightly, but when Souji remains quiet after having mumbled his name, he comes to the conclusion that he must've been talking in his sleep.

But Souji's hand moves around as if he was searching for something, and after a moment of hesitation, Hijikata decides that it's still very early and that he can allow himself to stay here with Souji a little longer.

And so he sits down next to the futon and offers his hand to the younger man, and Souji takes it and clings to it as if it was everything connecting him with life.

That's when Hijikata first notices how small Souji's hand looks in comparison to his own, and he wonders when it has become like this. 

Some time later, Hijikata hasn't paid attention to how much time exactly has passed, Souji lets go of his hand and sits up, yawning.

His yukata slides off his shoulders when he does, and the first thing Hijikata does is pulling it closed again without saying a single world.

Souji smiles at him. “Good morning, Hijikata-san. I think I'm already feeling better.”

Hijikata just frowns at him. “You're not going to spar with anyone today, and you're not leaving this compound either.”

“That's fine, if it means I can spend the entire day with Hijikata-san.”

The frown doesn't leave Hijikata's face. “I'll order someone else to watch over you if you interrupt me fulfilling my duties.”

Souji pouts, but he nods in agreement. Right now, for some reason, all he wants is to be with Hijikata, and to know that he's not alone. He can accept the fact that by staying with the vice commander, he will miss out some chances to play pranks.

After lunch, he follows Hijikata around the entire day. When Hijikata is in his room signing some documents or reading through others, Souji sits behind him and sometimes reads in Hijikata's haiku book, and sometimes he also massages Hijikata's shoulders.

Hijikata doesn't complain about him on this day. It's just his proof that Souji is alive, after all.


End file.
